Dear Almondieu,
I have been practicing for med school interviews and planning responses to some common questions. One of them that I’ve been thinking about is, “What do you do in your free time?”
I hear that the purpose of this question is to see how the person handles stress. Is there something they fall back on? Do they know how to keep a work-life balance?
The answer that I’ve come up with is journaling.
At first I didn’t think of it when asked what I do for fun. Writing can be fun, but I actually associate it more with when I’m feeling sad. It is the method I use to soothe myself, to vent my feelings.
I also found it to be a bit of a trite answer. Doesn’t everyone journal? I was actually surprised to realize that not everyone turns to writing in order to process their feelings.
Today, I wanted to go over my methods of journaling. I actually have different habits depending on what I’m feeling and the purpose of what I want to write.
When You Feel Anxiety and Despair
Let’s start with the darkest end of the spectrum. During these times, the main thing I want to do is to release my strong emotions. I usually want to complain as much as I want, which can actually be quite embarrassing to read when the storm has passed. Taking this into account, I have a folder stashed away in a far corner of my google drive that I only open when I feel depressed.
I think that having a place out of sight and out of mind is the best for when writing out these emotions. It allows me to close the chapter and move on when I’m done.
I also want to note that while a lot of my sad writing is poetic, writing about what you are worried about helps you to put things into perspective. It can help to enumerate exactly what you are worried about and then realize that it is actually not much to worry about at all, or it can help you start planning the steps to take on those challenges. One of my greatest fears is fear of the unknown, and I therefore think that knowing the enemy is half the battle.
When You Feel Discontent
What do you do when you are bored? During these times, I easily feel discontent. I am not exactly sad, but not exactly living the high life, either.
When I’m going through these sort of plateau phases, it can be difficult for me to think about things to write about. I end up writing very short diary entries about random things I did that day or am planning to do. I have a notebook for these times that I don’t want to put in a lot of effort. One entry hardly takes up a quarter of a page itself. Here is an example written word for word from my journal (I specifically chose one I think is the least embarrassing). The breaks in between represent different days, so these are a collection of three different days, not necessarily consecutive.
I really like radishes. I want to eat beef and radish stew. I want to try a lot more radish stew recipes. Reminds me of The Tale of Despereaux.
What shall I do tomorrow? Something I can look forward to, something that will make me happy.
The perfume I use is jasmine rose. On days that it smells more like rose it reminds me of one of my favorite cake shops. On days it smells more like jasmine…it actually doesn’t remind me of anything. It just smells nice.
When You Feel Inspired
When I come across something serendipitous, I want to record how I feel in that moment. I have a specific journal for this, which is kind of the antithesis of that aforementioned depressing folder in the secluded corner of my google drive. When I feel sad it can help to look back at the moments that I feel inspired.
How I document it depends on what evoked the magical feelings. I have random pages of my favorite songs, novels, movies, etc that I simply add to when I come across something I like. I also like to print out images (a lot of ink, I know) and tape them to the journal. Kind of like scrapbooking?
Other times, I am simply recording quotes in my journal. It can look similar to the random entries I write when I feel discontent.
I don’t try to write full entries during these times. I guess I kind of want to simply appreciate it for what it is, as if thinking it over too much will cause it to lose its special quality. As if it is something special that actually cannot be put into words.
Other times when I am daydreaming, I like to write very short stories. They usually take on a narrative style. I keep them on my google drive (in a not so secluded corner, mind you), since I want to be able to capture the feelings quickly, and I am a faster typer than I am handwriter. (I guess this depends on the person, though.)
Here’s an entry from 2016:
Sometimes when you say a word repeatedly, it doesn’t sound like a real word. Take “word” for example. Say it twenty times and it starts feeling weird in your mouth, as if it doesn’t fit right, just like how a shoe you wore yesterday starts feeling tight around the edges and you think “did my toes really grow that big overnight?” even though they didn’t.
And then there are some words that never fit in your mouth but feel right for some reason, as if they need to be said. Words like whimsical, mellifluous, or serendipity. Words that no one really uses but you feel the need to say even though they have absolutely nothing to do with what you are talking about.
I also want to put in here that I also blog when I feel inspired! I try not to brainstorm too much about what I want to write about and just take note of ideas when they come to me. For whatever reason, putting in the effort to brainstorm and plan out ideas take out the fun of blogging (although that is probably not the professional way to go about it).
When You Feel Completely, and Perfectly, Incandescently Happy
Yay, the bright end of the spectrum! I actually don’t write much when I feel very happy since I’m busy trying to bask in it, lol. As such, when looking at past writing I’m not sure if these moments are few and far between or if I was just too busy enjoying it.
I do try to write in my prayer journal when I am happy. It is usually because I am experiencing wonder and awe of the Lord, or I am trying not to get too ahead of myself and remember to give thanks, always. I do think that putting these happy moments in context with the Lord actually increases my happiness.
Post Script
Depending on what I am feeling and the purpose of writing influences exactly where I am journaling and how long the entries are. I also take advantage of journaling via typing and handwriting. Typing is convenient for when I want to transcribe my thoughts quickly, while handwriting is another experience for reveling in my emotions. Handwriting is also more personal and is fun to look at later on.
A few years ago, I was surprised to realize the actual influences on my writing. Of course my love for writing is a gift given by my childhood friend. But I found it kind of funny to notice how similar my style of writing is to my favorite books as a child, such as The Boy on Cinnamon Street, A Crooked Kind of Perfect, Peter Pan, Howl’s Moving Castle, Ella Enchanted, and The Tale of Desperaux (I still write “zip, zero, nada, goose eggs” unironically). I also find the entries in my prayer journal to be reminiscent of St. Therese of Lisieux’s autobiography.
Aside from the various influences on my writing, I am also in awe of myself when I look back at old entries. Whether it be amazed at how far I’ve come or amazed at how eloquent I was at that moment, I like to think of myself as having my own distinct style of writing that is inexplicably “Almond”. It’s a part of me that you would never know unless you take the time to read the words I am sometimes too shy to say, or perhaps a side that not even I know until it is reflected back at me on paper.
In health,
Almond
Almondieu 
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